I'm feeling quite depressed thinking about childbirth lately. I know I have to fear the contractions or rather the "giving birth" part more but no. I'm more afraid of the IV insertion, episiotomy and stitching! Anything got to do with sharp objects like needles makes my legs go jelly, I swear.
The fear gets worst at night. I will google for childbirth story and can't help but to read the gory ones. LOL. And shortly after, I get depressed and feel like crying. Hubby always scold me for that and he just don't understand why I am so keen in gory scenes and stuff since day 1. Hahaha! I can't help it, that's just me! I even have trouble refraining from clicking on gory posts on news feed but of course I try not to!
I feel like opting for epidural but I once saw a video on how the epidural was being administered which was quite horrifying. Needles are already bad enough but they insert a tube?! God, I can't take this or imagine that thing poking through my spine. How like that? If only epidural is as easy as swallowing a tablet or inhaling gas. Boohoo! I really admire those who don't fear needles at all!
So how should I handle the pain from the IV insertion and stitches? I want to cry!!!
About labour, I've never felt the pain so it's quite hard to feel fear for it. They've said it feels like menses cramp x 100. The worst menses cramp I had wasn't that painful anyway so I truly cannot imagine :(
Even the toughest mummy out there will say labour pain is the worst pain that is beyond description. Die la like that!
Some said doing yoga and brisk walking will be able to assist pregnant ladies to have a smooth and safe delivery. I'm starting my yoga classes soon and hopefully can find time to brisk walk around the stadium on the weekends. I hope I can build a high tolerance for pain and just treat labour like taking a huge dump. HEHE.
Sometimes I wonder, what I have gotten myself into. But I have never regretted once. If my mom can give birth to 5 children, why can't I? Each time I feel Beanie's movement, I feel a certain kind of happiness which I can't describe. It's wonderful. It can make you tear. The little bundle of joy, insyaallah, will soon be only mine to hold and love.
I love you, my child, even before we met.
Leah A A
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